Chapter 180
The carriage was where their feelings first blossomed. Ren Yi was the rich, fertile soil, while Gong Yingxian was the indifferent seed. But in this carriage, wrapped in warmth and safety, whether you called it a greenhouse or a shed, it was all the same; everything was right, and it sprouted.zjIuouJqmxyZrPcgQcATkEKvPkLytg
arPGbHQCPdLNmsgOnce it sprouted, there was no turning back.uYOxXLwumkAIKULWlgaBiIbrfrMCgo
AUlZEQzDibWukqYAfter leaving the carriage, they weathered storms and got hurt, only to escape back inside, where they could hear each other’s breathing and smell each other’s scent, once again feeling that initial, silent yet unstoppable force of budding.wcCcZgKbmmEYGvLlXipkGYVRbvQJkr
wqXRlFHAmFFhMkzThey could sense what the other was thinking at that moment, and they were quite certain of it.ydyylWcFYqSVmnesFLiuKGSFVaSjDa
teXUzQWTzgdfnDJYet Ren Yi chose silence, while Gong Yingxian chose to speak: “Do you remember how we used to eat takeout in the car?”VXxKxzMYEnYdbPcyNgKSEDRlKDAtNv
IEyeDInyZcjINlBRen Yi’s Adam’s apple moved slightly as he stared at the traffic lights ahead.tWvKtlqysxrOXnlAaNykWlDaOVfPAS
FlNFiyxFBejfPMH“I never liked anyone getting close to me. If we were somewhere else, I could avoid you, but in the carriage, I had nowhere to hide, so gradually, I got used to you being this close to me.” Gong Yingxian leaned slightly towards Ren Yi, “Once I got used to it, having you far away became unbearable.”JUlCKCIvHWnPakAyjinycDvAeACfbd
DgSSGvunuvfrzrzRen Yi felt a bit annoyed; Gong Yingxian was right. In the carriage, there was nowhere to hide, and he didn’t even dare to look around. But the faint scent of grass and wood that belonged to Gong Yingxian lingered in his nostrils, making it impossible to ignore this person’s presence.juVTdOsCDBlFCwLTWUARjcOtxzcapq
svnofoNObQMDmaJ“You say I have problems, and you’re right. I do have problems. I’ve talked to Dr. Pang Bei about it; I know where my issues lie.” Gong Yingxian’s gaze fell on his knees. “You are someone who always puts others’ feelings before your own, while I am the exact opposite. I hardly care about my own feelings. When feelings arise, pain follows. So during the initial period after the incident at my home, I shut away all my feelings, stopped communicating with others, and prevented anyone from coming in or me from going out. Bearing others’ feelings is too exhausting; I can’t even handle my own.”eqaPPJRsbcIYSFsaJncLzbAdwtzOLz
aQaxrDFNNLWWFpERen Yi gasped, a wave of sharp pain rising in his heart. Was Gong Yingxian pinpointing his weakness? After hesitating for a long time, he finally spoke: “Since you realize your problems, have you thought about doing something about it?”WMnxeNFFEohvgrACJlWbgzImdMXwQy
kGJkILKWxksNEJRWhile waiting for the red light, Gong Yingxian leaned his head on Ren Yi’s shoulder: “I didn’t think about it before, but now that I have you, I want to change everything. I want every part of me to be something you like.”DtQlEOJCPUcabHStATPAmiLgciiOcn
dThPimRjYYjLtrMRen Yi sat up straight.ZFdZUaFPVeQgQGpZFVnAMcKhdQEPmJ
CkKNZOacQByZmQVGong Yingxian’s head lost its support and had to retreat in disappointment. He carefully traced Ren Yi’s profile with his gaze and said earnestly: “Because every part of you is something I like, I hope you can feel the same satisfaction as I do.”pHPPBmEHLPiwKtLHDXLfJYZNMHyFIz
eldunEsQVaiGoKQRen Yi pressed his lips together, not responding.DuKWbryjueXTCnCfwKWEQnoNAEmKnx
SUKcsEKFkPAlATW“I will change. I’ve always been changing. I might not have changed enough yet, so give me some time. I will get better; don’t give up on me.” Gong Yingxian’s gaze was earnest and simple, so sincere that it was hard not to believe him.QZRWAfnSsqzIGxXLfReGvimzZWQkju
YSPOotvawzudLnARen Yi sighed: “You weren’t this good at talking before. Who taught you?”PeaUnoFnrGJLDTDoZrDIbUUsDiAwRi
vBruqNfYrFjIOCJ“No one taught me; I just say a lot of things only to you.”yUsuXSLHogeDMHwWaVbRkEJLcXkYyD
HrdXQzgwclAETrF“Yingxian, you can’t always think you can fool me with a few words.”NDwDYIXcYzmBKCsdMuLcTSnzGPGnFF
MGAWCcVgOVOiVKL“Then what do you want me to do?”MAjkvpDiNRthEvdnislJYkAKwDGQCV
vHEZuqcXJjaLVmARen Yi paused, resolutely saying: “I hope we can take a break for a while. I can’t see a possibility for us to last. Once or twice, maybe even more, it’s like a ticking time bomb. I’m afraid that one day I will hate you.”QtVjsoFbTOHIEaJPVuDweRIxZAxoAM
OixzFlSkscodFPBGong Yingxian bit his lip: “I don’t want to be apart from you. What if you walk away and never come back?”HaWxnhYdTAlieKWpjlnzcbmotRVQwI
uWxDoBGyHHOIqBb“…I can’t guarantee anything.”VSqXQDwwbcYEGYsxoaJAjSAAcJNlVS
CJTISvxlTihhtXW“‘You can’t guarantee anything.’” Gong Yingxian repeated this phrase, his heart aching, “I often feel that for you, I am a lifetime, while for me, I am just a phase, so you can let go, but I can’t.”xQZgHVtEroccBEZYBQjrOQoQDWGosB
eFzNdqOslcGNKIkRen Yi felt a lump in his throat, suddenly jerked the steering wheel, stopping the car by the roadside, then turned to look at Gong Yingxian: “Stop with the moral kidnapping. What do you mean by a lifetime, and what do you mean by a phase? I have poured my heart and soul into this ‘phase’ with no reservations. I’m over thirty, not a teenager. Do you know how hard it is for someone over thirty to dare to love someone like a teenager? You think of me as a lifetime? Then how the hell have you treated me? Who would dare to spend a lifetime with someone like you!”dAljRuCOdPoqJSaIBtCCwxurgPWqcd
sHDVRgHPzLkPKpeAfter venting all the pent-up feelings, Ren Yi suddenly felt the air around him clearer. He had been trying to stay calm and follow the doctor’s advice, but that was just an excuse. He was simply, simply scared. He was afraid that once he opened a crack, Gong Yingxian’s pure and unreserved feelings would seep in everywhere.cwIrgfZuljVhfMCkcXAfyDayAEiNPE
cJHPcfiuxJBrHgjThere was someone who loved you deeply but didn’t mind deceiving or hurting you. How could such a thing exist in this world?qzCfJKYGwzfMZQWmZagqkjlxeKjsHV
TFOoLoEgCCvAMKpPain was clearly reflected in Gong Yingxian’s eyes. He softly said: “You’ve been holding this in for a long time, right? Just say whatever you want; you don’t have to hold back.” Ren Yi, who would get angry and speak harshly, was still better than the Ren Yi who ignored him.LFUCaZydjaNLIBdjewySQczBWEAiWi
hHdCwdvoTHONtYF“I don’t know what else to say for you to understand.” Ren Yi no longer wanted to speak. He realized he was beyond help. At this point, he still didn’t want to hurt Gong Yingxian, but he couldn’t let Gong Yingxian hurt him again.PBURLrIrZgpLfvuEabbXmEXASeDLQF
fZHLVdUvovYSWBOGong Yingxian sighed: “Is a person like me destined to be lonely for life?”NWSXGbpFkqoHXwoDbvmZDsiMUSasXX
QRBUlFuCaXCudgV“…I didn’t say that. Maybe we just… aren’t suitable.”IfmaJySPSWkFvrhwbqkJDljkiphOUK
pyeMmtBzFLvEVUN“Even mutual affection isn’t suitable, even a life-and-death friendship isn’t suitable. Who else can I be suitable with?” Gong Yingxian stared unblinkingly at Ren Yi, his eyes reddening, “Just like you said, no one is willing to spend a lifetime with me.”GVsOETXWVViCQkUZipsdHqruSwTaFg
pFOAtKJlXSSKtXSRen Yi angrily turned his face away: “Gong Yingxian, stop playing the victim.” Why did someone who could be fierce like a beast in front of him act like a cat?JOrtkhVICckkmmRTXCzcVCkkeOKUlV
JEIzWZVFFCiNYDdBut Gong Yingxian reached out and turned Ren Yi’s chin: “You don’t dare to face me.”gWHnXCntyWOktmsSLvJmzHdgGMvyLn
EUxkPiDeNbYwDpdRen Yi pulled Gong Yingxian’s hand away, restarted the car, muttering: “Enough, enough, shut up. If you say more, I’ll kick you out.”qTbQZauTnwWVLfojappGNrIyMMxFVI
yaSUobNZmyqDqQDGong Yingxian leaned back against the seat.cfRYGWMGTbPxfCHbUJUWZVKhXTZECj
CYSxqXCTcksRlmYThe carriage fell into silence for a while, and then Gong Yingxian spoke again: “Do you still like me?”QtIVXRDIeZaOIjSZcnMpeoPjCEUPHA
VAZSUfLTCohniyCRen Yi said in a low voice: “I said to shut up.”RDHGFjRVUOPKjEJWMyfLOCnXASnDwy
bqcUUfQbjfvEjOS“Answer this question, and I’ll shut up.”qfsZbFvMDwmPJGAzMEsoqNtQiqvlzc
YIAPOPTAZZRtvYCRen Yi couldn’t answer. In front of Gong Yingxian, he couldn’t lie, nor could he tell the truth.MzBywDoYEQSWGuPCKffMMLhPKuxuzd
lgbIKDdNvIrxQyNAfter a long wait, Gong Yingxian smiled faintly, saying with relief: “You still like me.”rgMtsIXGXmgGrGKGuseseFkdquJlSH
yoAXyBAefWJtAKQRen Yi’s face darkened as he stared ahead, quietly driving.FBpunUoUICwbVEyrWbdUNyeUopRadE
NuOrAPVIhrPAXcG“Sometimes, I really want to hide you away.” Gong Yingxian gazed at Ren Yi, his eyes fierce like a wolf, but his voice was gentle, “Not caring about anything, not thinking about anything, making you mine alone.”RGcDIqdQiErGdFbfpyOBeohTcOuPVZ
ETCgCoRxsHCkELoThe car arrived at its destination. Ren Yi quickly shifted gears, turned off the ignition, opened the door, and got out, all in one fluid motion, as if staying in that carriage for even a second longer would cause an explosion.EYiFzmfCSnhxqEYTqhLyEhAGrnlLwQ
cfWTENHvRzkYokvGong Yingxian followed him, surveying the surroundings: “This place is okay. How’s the security?”IALZkhFhnAnXdAMAiTCUmHJNGHxUWU
xWeTYAiUulwkMpZ“It’s fine.”hbRLQfgaNexILEQdTwOKKPvFDxwvlU
TJilUsPGqHHNDDf“What about medical care?”RjVsdSRHMuOTKxhaOsXcECeRKnpFDW
YBAZoTbWeLkdhRs“It’s fine.”FWDqsLavTtJcDOCboqRQjutTUMaGwb
fExVxyRLexXBGzw“I don’t think it’s fine; that camera is broken.” Gong Yingxian pointed to the camera at the entrance, “I’ll go complain later and have them replace it quickly.”QuqcDVCSaFHYohcCWSPbLcEaWxJRoC
WImQVdlLHWOeaQbBefore entering, Ren Yi suddenly stopped and looked at Gong Yingxian: “When you meet my dad, don’t say anything random.”pyoyvLIFoOZYMCipAGFWKaFZlZIpVB
IXKpdFHYeSvAUzDGong Yingxian looked back at Ren Yi: “What do you mean?”XayYoEKTGUutQPKBQTleGynFETqfxi
VDOHfvmonEBTTyJ“You know what I mean.” Ren Yi pushed the door open and walked straight to the front desk to register.gFeHQsSVQlqaTDdDKaGzCzYbPLLzru
oBXewatEzhBWurs“Mr. Ren, please follow me.” The nurse led them to the housing department. To get there, they had to pass through the courtyard, which was the activity area for the elderly, featuring a large garden and fitness and entertainment facilities. At this time, spring was in full bloom; if it weren’t mealtime, there should have been many people around.UNzuQLksZRhmPoRAdLGIUHQHjdvSwM
GKfVcJJfeICgFguAs they reached the garden, they heard a commotion in the distance. Ren Yi turned his head and froze.NnoXNdefbXqbOftqBqONoIXJuQOEiZ
EUJrUDHqZsVoChrHe saw his dad, Ren Xiangrong, struggling with several nurses in the garden, shouting something indistinctly. At this distance, he couldn’t hear clearly.gcslvIRNvZYbqedtbfFFSELnDFMBCH
lvbQSttCwtuDjTwRen Yi rushed over.hkOdwhklHlGLbVTKAgKxMnYyxNZqkz
RjEtziDuvFfglVpAs he got closer, he saw Ren Xiangrong holding a fire extinguisher, the safety pin already pulled out, with dry powder splattered on the ground, and beside him, a garbage bin that had been burned and deformed. Several nurses were trying to take it from him but were afraid to do so forcefully.JtwbfMflkcXQcgAJSpphUwufAaFpyk
tAScbsFMjnoxSpv“Don’t come over! What are you doing?!” Ren Xiangrong, unsteady on his feet, was trembling just standing there, but his voice was strong, “You are obstructing firefighters from performing their duties!”gjLmbShzzfeyfvwBzodiuzYJwIGnya
LYAnXRyevpEbJZvRen Yi sighed inwardly and shouted: “Dad.”ZXFgkdQKJxlrZobECFMIbXnxvbMoOv
TkRmCRLuLXpwxhwThe nurses looked at him: “Are you a family member? Hurry, think of a way.”HGHWNTRcUumyUalcVAobZrFsojHSnS
NlZhDksUQnOeNzsRen Yi walked over: “Dad, what are you doing? The fire is already out. Just put it down.”xNszDGVGROUhemZFFNrJkbQVIFzkNV
YcGxJxyZqtLfRGu“Don’t come over! It’s dangerous here! Who let you come?” Ren Xiangrong’s face was flushed with anger as he raised the extinguisher to spray.LmEZRHXaWuEWuTSiXLUEEocALYMxzm
JiZhhoEwcGoiGVm“Dad, there’s no fire anymore. It’s just a garbage bin. It’s already out. Look.” Ren Yi didn’t dare to grab it forcefully, fearing to hurt his dad, so he could only coax him.XDmZIJwhgAYHZvkwGFwCKHXGTPqwmR
nSBscSRDPWuvvijGong Yingxian stood behind Ren Xiangrong, spreading his arms to prevent him from falling.EFalBEXhImeiJnRhRjVpHHPrzbCKSC
NtPEQZdsauVXEgr“You don’t understand! There are safety hazards everywhere! It needs to be checked! Go, call Xiao Fei! Who approved the fire safety here? If it were up to me, I wouldn’t approve it!” Ren Xiangrong’s face was filled with rage, nervously scanning the surroundings.JnzDsPucRONBBgnagycEtRUdVCucTu
baIhuetdjPdYQpPRen Yi helplessly said: “Captain Ren, if there’s anything, we can talk about it back at the station. Just put down the extinguisher for now.” He saw his dad’s legs trembling, fearing he might fall, his heart racing with anxiety.CGZRvuKnrrUlmKTUqgbaMDhPRvhyHU
NDQRNpOpXenNmytRen Xiangrong clutched the extinguisher like a soldier holding a weapon on the battlefield, refusing to let go, his expression serious as he vigilantly looked around.afpxNZYJeyiATSBaCBZRnMxmPjvpJX
puzMCeWzJhMoUxGRen Yi cautiously approached, trying to take the extinguisher from Ren Xiangrong’s hands.WmnMKcaXLZEtyQvsOqrIWrVbxAVnXb
dYADzQHibWdqpayBut at that moment, a nurse’s phone rang, and the ringtone sounded somewhat similar to a fire alarm. Ren Xiangrong suddenly raised the extinguisher, one hand gripping the nozzle, the other pressing the lever, using the most standard and swift posture that every firefighter had trained thousands of times, aiming at the garbage bin and starting to spray.naPaSgRsuPDOptZaBAQCGHNsTWkdEi
BAlxJgjwozkNpdPRen Yi stood beside him; even though he turned his face away in time to shield himself, the dry powder still got into his mouth and nose, making him cough uncontrollably.TqfZBIOPDSkJVWKxQAlyhitYqCXyed
MirUoMzTdFEGPWRAt the same time, Ren Xiangrong’s legs gave way, and he sat down on the ground.gRvcLGEegoUgUGLKepvHwyZgCNNdEO
ZUtgWkSmQLVyijhGong Yingxian and the nurses quickly supported him, placing him in a wheelchair and seizing the opportunity to take the extinguisher away.tpKJnHwjOhanWLvTyHHUfpAtOtNfqW
oKpqlJJABVhMZeFRen Xiangrong nervously looked around: “Check again! Look at the ceiling! Check the walls!”DEarmMZXkxMuzkBncdEIjpznZGmoKt
jfFewubirnRVQwHThe two nurses pushed Ren Xiangrong away, and another one asked with concern: “Mr. Ren, are you okay? You should wash your face and rinse your mouth.”vhiPlSzQtYdHGoJSVuWuBaxZhpwUxu
TEpfhdMPvOpGMfYRen Yi wiped his face, his hands covered in white powder. He stood there stiffly, not even caring about his disheveled appearance.ZkDYQwPOpMkrEkpmzklotpmRsYehOf
MtlCGwcEatrsxkoGong Yingxian said to the nurse: “You go ahead and take care of things.” He then took out a handkerchief from his pocket, wanting to wipe Ren Yi’s face, saying with concern: “Did you inhale any?”cfsLLDuNaTZgDFfIhHXjBYeULTJfnG
gIcZkRmQVlzfpCwRen Yi turned his face away, softly saying: “I’ll go wash up.”tElSnOwgLsbOEzKcToZtEScEXLSjQu
VCTUaWMCkuXDFoJGong Yingxian’s hand froze in mid-air, feeling extremely pained.uKCaxdnfakljIXKLcaCkzEdGfXcyDY
WANiZAtQvmiECxwISlsGlEHBzkhjdFzlRLyntszAGKhPn