Chapter 180
The carriage was where their feelings first blossomed. Ren Yi was the rich, fertile soil, while Gong Yingxian was the indifferent seed. But in this carriage, wrapped in warmth and safety, whether you called it a greenhouse or a shed, it was all the same; everything was right, and it sprouted.LMJFTHoyfcRlEqcpBXhVrmJgrnBqSV
kuxyEuilKHrDLPTOnce it sprouted, there was no turning back.APJAXCvSaYuMBPeYpaOlvEqgCRtHto
RmgSRLKQzLENODXAfter leaving the carriage, they weathered storms and got hurt, only to escape back inside, where they could hear each other’s breathing and smell each other’s scent, once again feeling that initial, silent yet unstoppable force of budding.JJnKpftmAemOuhelRqjsSeWUBaPqFC
rWoerVJyzUCjKaEThey could sense what the other was thinking at that moment, and they were quite certain of it.gdkbNceZOSfZIuEzhBNsYyccRLloVA
NgAdXrJAnvhTCYBYet Ren Yi chose silence, while Gong Yingxian chose to speak: “Do you remember how we used to eat takeout in the car?”ojuWTaWKeVLsPboNrmoaAkVQgmpnWD
yvKuLXEzCNcQYzYRen Yi’s Adam’s apple moved slightly as he stared at the traffic lights ahead.halQrzQxrQoappqENsndzTVJDgtCcx
AhCGlvKHiXSOJiN“I never liked anyone getting close to me. If we were somewhere else, I could avoid you, but in the carriage, I had nowhere to hide, so gradually, I got used to you being this close to me.” Gong Yingxian leaned slightly towards Ren Yi, “Once I got used to it, having you far away became unbearable.”ZHMvSCrmFGMsfgGjLXVpKxpNfynTeF
surWmEaDPoihZzyRen Yi felt a bit annoyed; Gong Yingxian was right. In the carriage, there was nowhere to hide, and he didn’t even dare to look around. But the faint scent of grass and wood that belonged to Gong Yingxian lingered in his nostrils, making it impossible to ignore this person’s presence.HEpioSplBESjUUDyqyWvbekDgQXFnl
szvXyzffDqSAxbZ“You say I have problems, and you’re right. I do have problems. I’ve talked to Dr. Pang Bei about it; I know where my issues lie.” Gong Yingxian’s gaze fell on his knees. “You are someone who always puts others’ feelings before your own, while I am the exact opposite. I hardly care about my own feelings. When feelings arise, pain follows. So during the initial period after the incident at my home, I shut away all my feelings, stopped communicating with others, and prevented anyone from coming in or me from going out. Bearing others’ feelings is too exhausting; I can’t even handle my own.”AxjFWfTsJEnKoqqCfpXSLBYtuODnBf
TjqEPJabncMQnbtRen Yi gasped, a wave of sharp pain rising in his heart. Was Gong Yingxian pinpointing his weakness? After hesitating for a long time, he finally spoke: “Since you realize your problems, have you thought about doing something about it?”SdDFesqTVSPibevdctxmHpwaudtSig
hvBFVjCajKkbFwqWhile waiting for the red light, Gong Yingxian leaned his head on Ren Yi’s shoulder: “I didn’t think about it before, but now that I have you, I want to change everything. I want every part of me to be something you like.”gqPQbByATcGqbojshjjcHwIRZxZMEq
SMnunVRklZQPwUoRen Yi sat up straight.nWDRicEPfjDyddhlrZpXJuVKkvWssn
zwmDECabKTqmeVVGong Yingxian’s head lost its support and had to retreat in disappointment. He carefully traced Ren Yi’s profile with his gaze and said earnestly: “Because every part of you is something I like, I hope you can feel the same satisfaction as I do.”vjijRiviOpWJXLJTddGvflScjKERKw
nirzPucQIIwrSMQRen Yi pressed his lips together, not responding.WnRtUFRxQkeAXcSswMqIyIroAaFQKF
FkWsoVterarNcMC“I will change. I’ve always been changing. I might not have changed enough yet, so give me some time. I will get better; don’t give up on me.” Gong Yingxian’s gaze was earnest and simple, so sincere that it was hard not to believe him.rkDxijlrIfctPaxVKPKlhrzjaBGfvm
vHFXwGWPciJPjphRen Yi sighed: “You weren’t this good at talking before. Who taught you?”CeaOupCrLtYEIJgUoXPGkSCOsSUEIM
WiUBWjNTEcXtzKu“No one taught me; I just say a lot of things only to you.”TOCAdNfmummlcvSHQSpKVRyMpQToUi
PxCVhdmKtUAPBZB“Yingxian, you can’t always think you can fool me with a few words.”mJiDfhtViyyKwUCkLYaArVXbzLzOdp
novoUGrSmvTkfMI“Then what do you want me to do?”yIuqJHVTlKpTFyIFQCBpplidevBSMj
sirgkUIcGGmcZorRen Yi paused, resolutely saying: “I hope we can take a break for a while. I can’t see a possibility for us to last. Once or twice, maybe even more, it’s like a ticking time bomb. I’m afraid that one day I will hate you.”RyocVXudSwynhupMZRWVNfoYdmPfgl
oXJbPAidYyAWhtHGong Yingxian bit his lip: “I don’t want to be apart from you. What if you walk away and never come back?”LAhojCPdotHOmmmpfaZIwGbmbPXyFG
SWzCAwzZMqGjVUE“…I can’t guarantee anything.”UJsvEwuzUBAigFUUvuAwsrYtJmIFtT
rLnLmSNJPSRrSou“‘You can’t guarantee anything.’” Gong Yingxian repeated this phrase, his heart aching, “I often feel that for you, I am a lifetime, while for me, I am just a phase, so you can let go, but I can’t.”SmsvUxfPzBYEzNXEkAyhmvGSCCPyjO
koluqyMvLsKLSJJRen Yi felt a lump in his throat, suddenly jerked the steering wheel, stopping the car by the roadside, then turned to look at Gong Yingxian: “Stop with the moral kidnapping. What do you mean by a lifetime, and what do you mean by a phase? I have poured my heart and soul into this ‘phase’ with no reservations. I’m over thirty, not a teenager. Do you know how hard it is for someone over thirty to dare to love someone like a teenager? You think of me as a lifetime? Then how the hell have you treated me? Who would dare to spend a lifetime with someone like you!”qyEZnogXbmiaafySMLGIdaJAJfVyIV
tFzRpdQvivWVncOAfter venting all the pent-up feelings, Ren Yi suddenly felt the air around him clearer. He had been trying to stay calm and follow the doctor’s advice, but that was just an excuse. He was simply, simply scared. He was afraid that once he opened a crack, Gong Yingxian’s pure and unreserved feelings would seep in everywhere.SEscbidBwPdCvsARtIGShOkAdJGtkr
FTddXRQBsHpsoGUThere was someone who loved you deeply but didn’t mind deceiving or hurting you. How could such a thing exist in this world?yOSoqGyGiAPDsEfBgvCjVFoFVuBieh
NIftFoekfsgYiqPPain was clearly reflected in Gong Yingxian’s eyes. He softly said: “You’ve been holding this in for a long time, right? Just say whatever you want; you don’t have to hold back.” Ren Yi, who would get angry and speak harshly, was still better than the Ren Yi who ignored him.kEVLhJnxxiwRRXKxnSxMuNjicynHaJ
YLzEEUIAEAQBixI“I don’t know what else to say for you to understand.” Ren Yi no longer wanted to speak. He realized he was beyond help. At this point, he still didn’t want to hurt Gong Yingxian, but he couldn’t let Gong Yingxian hurt him again.mEEpxSzIVKUoAhbfLOoXCTmMmHBkJM
XMaXerLgWMLXsLGGong Yingxian sighed: “Is a person like me destined to be lonely for life?”QlViugZHYOLmJoCfgTlBwOQTdYknQn
kXGiKmTCuEJYIYX“…I didn’t say that. Maybe we just… aren’t suitable.”xipIlyUKNcztmaxKeuGDMJguGReUFk
RzeYjFcbZKPVwMs“Even mutual affection isn’t suitable, even a life-and-death friendship isn’t suitable. Who else can I be suitable with?” Gong Yingxian stared unblinkingly at Ren Yi, his eyes reddening, “Just like you said, no one is willing to spend a lifetime with me.”dMGChLtnhxjgRqSLdUjhyEfjRnYTpA
yzFwnmwPzEwhrAvRen Yi angrily turned his face away: “Gong Yingxian, stop playing the victim.” Why did someone who could be fierce like a beast in front of him act like a cat?ivptcyLHNNsdovFhDHmidralUEbcZM
MFgwFPpphGQIdbuBut Gong Yingxian reached out and turned Ren Yi’s chin: “You don’t dare to face me.”pXUKWmEQfXdSRjcBEePobiDxEulFyK
cBrFgGnFhONfDeXRen Yi pulled Gong Yingxian’s hand away, restarted the car, muttering: “Enough, enough, shut up. If you say more, I’ll kick you out.”XtBApILsOkvvvzjOeSFyPkYXZHdAhT
LPYFNExhqpwhjPDGong Yingxian leaned back against the seat.EaVIgUUZBesBENlckQJBNcArHmzHOa
gykhwpyYOGOIwZJThe carriage fell into silence for a while, and then Gong Yingxian spoke again: “Do you still like me?”HIPxCUwOuFAuFwDlzCcCMxcrAzqhSl
QiKbRlLSiUdoDviRen Yi said in a low voice: “I said to shut up.”cThaAxqpisjJqRSNeceeqYxMAxtAWH
kCYKABvOwxyxSFd“Answer this question, and I’ll shut up.”ZdQnYWPKLVOzARWZkBVMnUSntuqAYa
ywllOEjFIWHfaDMRen Yi couldn’t answer. In front of Gong Yingxian, he couldn’t lie, nor could he tell the truth.eIQaJxFBFWbfxkdChpRnwdNzKSYvZi
ljwpkDCRQEmiktJAfter a long wait, Gong Yingxian smiled faintly, saying with relief: “You still like me.”jkJYLdkWSAeSLsMyYmTuxzeUsSDMvw
xRyTGXePXMYoGeBRen Yi’s face darkened as he stared ahead, quietly driving.mhxHqzGbJNYKpztdeBLWuSPJKffQXg
TFsTKIwOAMxqSmi“Sometimes, I really want to hide you away.” Gong Yingxian gazed at Ren Yi, his eyes fierce like a wolf, but his voice was gentle, “Not caring about anything, not thinking about anything, making you mine alone.”GEklLGqXeuIuNAlPmODDQUOqKSoWmU
hjOBuDHAmqHPZQwThe car arrived at its destination. Ren Yi quickly shifted gears, turned off the ignition, opened the door, and got out, all in one fluid motion, as if staying in that carriage for even a second longer would cause an explosion.ERSxCvLAHzTDGqEQXnalWfnnSrrKls
PIKaBNxToPmjoBYGong Yingxian followed him, surveying the surroundings: “This place is okay. How’s the security?”PiVNPCiMtorEYjEcCjiomVxFGPjYBl
QKZDxRgWjEjNwSU“It’s fine.”XiaQxEDdMFGrrsnpSikamFIvbgCPoV
MAfrGoejymAVDIN“What about medical care?”DYNbKznZsyFpSVjWQELOZRmSEjwAcS
DwtNaxzuLaFdilS“It’s fine.”HawbiTTOCmjEUVsStlEEHcoYVVXQfY
RmjSbFKCqeriWyX“I don’t think it’s fine; that camera is broken.” Gong Yingxian pointed to the camera at the entrance, “I’ll go complain later and have them replace it quickly.”QEdKXfYYHBwXwlOacSkgtEsOFJLFNF
ganbzuAMrhAHGjWBefore entering, Ren Yi suddenly stopped and looked at Gong Yingxian: “When you meet my dad, don’t say anything random.”VpKLPXIzjwJsZuyPqCeMutCYMUMnsN
VAktKleeBHqsdhdGong Yingxian looked back at Ren Yi: “What do you mean?”LyWrIGLYjGfDQoFjtnLZILjejqnatM
LOsUAJTJWGfcmmy“You know what I mean.” Ren Yi pushed the door open and walked straight to the front desk to register.IirpIOaXyGLYGzqLKqNDbCEeNGNhIo
RPuKXFaaRJomaGG“Mr. Ren, please follow me.” The nurse led them to the housing department. To get there, they had to pass through the courtyard, which was the activity area for the elderly, featuring a large garden and fitness and entertainment facilities. At this time, spring was in full bloom; if it weren’t mealtime, there should have been many people around.bltYFAjbiZbbRPfihmQOEgQeomqhEf
mQFbyOikvgVAhGvAs they reached the garden, they heard a commotion in the distance. Ren Yi turned his head and froze.dCIIxUWdiCtuusJTfbqkHeuGRISKXw
inLfZzGbkDnZjBkHe saw his dad, Ren Xiangrong, struggling with several nurses in the garden, shouting something indistinctly. At this distance, he couldn’t hear clearly.DQfRhkiSIgsfUmBnDYqpyBCCPTBICk
DfxcPUCmIASprgPRen Yi rushed over.wfVcigwhtKrkArxxDnCRIyDXnoPqTH
rWtDuTntrsLSmROAs he got closer, he saw Ren Xiangrong holding a fire extinguisher, the safety pin already pulled out, with dry powder splattered on the ground, and beside him, a garbage bin that had been burned and deformed. Several nurses were trying to take it from him but were afraid to do so forcefully.JBijHzQKRjFntoBEIbdTRoqmSEwsTU
zsgKGTMfjraHxjK“Don’t come over! What are you doing?!” Ren Xiangrong, unsteady on his feet, was trembling just standing there, but his voice was strong, “You are obstructing firefighters from performing their duties!”XDTaQjxQIbUOseOHuSWoBkhCHpavRk
vsysrMygjASOfyXRen Yi sighed inwardly and shouted: “Dad.”pjymeVmLhXJSykcLmlEXuEJFCOaGem
VQnLcsHOUZvNICQThe nurses looked at him: “Are you a family member? Hurry, think of a way.”pcdkIPYTUGcoKHVEqQENASAzifNSVT
agVjowHucVERaPwRen Yi walked over: “Dad, what are you doing? The fire is already out. Just put it down.”opyVgCXBNGnYnYwSPmNeZnKoBHPNYP
dgAnaYOmwbfRtjn“Don’t come over! It’s dangerous here! Who let you come?” Ren Xiangrong’s face was flushed with anger as he raised the extinguisher to spray.vvtEjkmZlUJgAlDKJawfTtvAPOSjmS
YCyAIjZtamNVYAv“Dad, there’s no fire anymore. It’s just a garbage bin. It’s already out. Look.” Ren Yi didn’t dare to grab it forcefully, fearing to hurt his dad, so he could only coax him.DGViQIMbyvkfOCLZgvfXLTqHSYKndQ
HWOpFRjNEJQYNzaGong Yingxian stood behind Ren Xiangrong, spreading his arms to prevent him from falling.sdeERpFBmBZZUZAAgTZotfYVHfWsMR
kAaHwPrAgChCmkJ“You don’t understand! There are safety hazards everywhere! It needs to be checked! Go, call Xiao Fei! Who approved the fire safety here? If it were up to me, I wouldn’t approve it!” Ren Xiangrong’s face was filled with rage, nervously scanning the surroundings.BOHRpqZmhNkWPirvORYikLyswNQzMH
HlCdWKchOoqopgQRen Yi helplessly said: “Captain Ren, if there’s anything, we can talk about it back at the station. Just put down the extinguisher for now.” He saw his dad’s legs trembling, fearing he might fall, his heart racing with anxiety.rqYtOsipwmVrWicsUozZlRBwfsnIsb
gIpEReSOYZZNRYyRen Xiangrong clutched the extinguisher like a soldier holding a weapon on the battlefield, refusing to let go, his expression serious as he vigilantly looked around.itJnfbgsTHJEmfchgQGqEJsgvQUMNT
tfDlmInpJKJqiQKRen Yi cautiously approached, trying to take the extinguisher from Ren Xiangrong’s hands.ElsmEsXYNzkPWUlRlycTQXpNCyULAm
gWQzuDwUeNlHTksBut at that moment, a nurse’s phone rang, and the ringtone sounded somewhat similar to a fire alarm. Ren Xiangrong suddenly raised the extinguisher, one hand gripping the nozzle, the other pressing the lever, using the most standard and swift posture that every firefighter had trained thousands of times, aiming at the garbage bin and starting to spray.BzedzxPKnmIqiVSgpoiNPSlLFgvQgF
XifcpgHvGRPWtbQRen Yi stood beside him; even though he turned his face away in time to shield himself, the dry powder still got into his mouth and nose, making him cough uncontrollably.jQPLbXrwfdKSMDQmNUwimotcvjvwIi
eqCryKwnLRzlNuEAt the same time, Ren Xiangrong’s legs gave way, and he sat down on the ground.tSCpGqkWLezFBnXJYjgAQpWawFzXzw
rvluWAkmcQmWAbOGong Yingxian and the nurses quickly supported him, placing him in a wheelchair and seizing the opportunity to take the extinguisher away.TlgbBFSzMJRaRRZnUOkgNzNfRNlyJy
PVdsxcVQqAAoRouRen Xiangrong nervously looked around: “Check again! Look at the ceiling! Check the walls!”LvHZIagfwAiVHFNvexsGKdlUFfROrm
TimgBLbUbIvABheThe two nurses pushed Ren Xiangrong away, and another one asked with concern: “Mr. Ren, are you okay? You should wash your face and rinse your mouth.”xSwWJHYVdLPhzJhDIRsvZtfstiFOTq
HYoWIBzOnXcknPwRen Yi wiped his face, his hands covered in white powder. He stood there stiffly, not even caring about his disheveled appearance.YGnhgcBifFMujQooKUPHPqaUrcFTgN
VBgMlrTcDZnAeXuGong Yingxian said to the nurse: “You go ahead and take care of things.” He then took out a handkerchief from his pocket, wanting to wipe Ren Yi’s face, saying with concern: “Did you inhale any?”XDWBHKqVsdIVOGUkCfeZAgrIjCIPFV
alUDrxDSRKxywCkRen Yi turned his face away, softly saying: “I’ll go wash up.”QJyzBoYYnbrRTXuiLrqEqGDvIAFlCB
OsFfuVapRcYsOooGong Yingxian’s hand froze in mid-air, feeling extremely pained.CBpdngBPffMsQIVYqOxBDZTqkTzMOG
yodFLJKjKgTlOyqfUmCyuYkJnJxeawnRTQraklFgDvzER